Around LA With Bleached

Words Maddy (Cass Bugge)
Photos: Molly Schiot and Nicole Dagenais

My name is Maddy. I’m a dog. I live in LA. I’m really into music and fashion. I have a blog (which is how I got to BEAT), but right now I’m working on a screenplay. I’m basically a furry, four legged mix of Diablo Cody and Andre Leon Talley. Werk… OK, so if you’re cool and caught up with what’s hot right now, let’s play word association! I’m throwing you the key clues: “Babes” and “Fukin-A-awesome.” If you’re as with it as you say you are, you best have busted out BLEACHED. Sisters Jennifer and Jessie Clavin are slaying it these days with their awesome garage punk sound and a full length album, Ride Your Heart, out now. When I found out that I was getting the opportunity to hang out with the Clavin sisters for a whole day, I was simply elated. Being punk is about doing whatever you like and dressing however you want to and ever since I saw that Spring ‘13, is trying to slap us with floral print kulots masquerading as Bermuda Shorts and “peekaboo pieces” (dresses with with pieces cut out that look like they were the main course at an “all you can eat if you’re a moth” buffet), I’ve been saying “hey high fashion: up yours and NO WAY.” Check me out, I’m getting more and more punk every day! Jennifer and Jessie are true California girls, who had their beginnings growing up in the Valley, so I thought what better way to spend the day then taking a mini staycation vacation cruising some of THEIR favorite spots in LA!

(If you can’t make it LA to see the girls, they are playing Corsica studios tomorrow)

Hollywood Sign

Nothing in Los Angeles is more iconic than the Hollywood sign so, of course, when it came to spots in LA, this one was so obvi. Since we were doing such a touristy thing that was so fun and not your typical “look at me, I’m cool” move, I decided to ask Jessie and Jennifer about another not terribly cool but totally fun thing: Celebrity Sightings! Now, I’m a fashionable dog, so of course I’m not going to go and ask for an autograph or stare. BUT sometimes it’s fun to drop your cool and talk about brushes with celebrity! I’ll go first: one time, Q-Tip from A Tribe Called Quest, told me that I had beautiful energy. Here are some highlights:

Jessie & Jennifer: We saw Pierce Brosnan on the street of New York. And we were like, Mrs. Doubtfire!

Jennifer: When I was a kid, one of my best friends from elementary school used to live next door to Elvira so me and my friend would go swimming in her pool, and her pool was shaped like a heart. There was a cave attached to it, and she was actually, like, the most beautiful lady I’d ever seen. She was a red head, so pale and wearing like the coolest bathing suit. And she sold her house to Brad Pitt so we would go trick or treating but we never got to the door he just buzzed it.

Jessie: I saw George Burns and our grandma Dot because they were trying to set our grandma up with him because our mom’s friend was his caretaker/personal assistant. They got set up on a date. I remember going into his office.
I remember him walking down the staircase and he was really old and fragile.

Jessie: You know who I saw at Whole Foods the other day is one of the Hobbits. The one who had to sing that song during that scene where there’s a big war scene and he’s singing that song to the guy eating the chicken?

I have no idea who that Hobbit is but right now I am so wishing that my last name was Clavin!

Amoeba Music

Fo’ sho the biggest record store in LA. They do in-stores so bands play there to get seen and heard. And guessss whaaaaat? Bleached is playing there in the Spring! Jessie used to work in the warehouse… Oh and while we’re on the topic of music, Bleached has a favorite new band, their new friends and former tour mates, Veronica Falls, (“They are SO good. They’re REALLY good.”). Other favorite bands the girls listed as favorites: Siouxise and the Banshees, The Cure, Gunclub & The Kinks. Honestly, at this point, we have so much in common, I’m starting to have trouble seeing where I end and the Clavin sisters begin.

Mulholland Drive

When you hear “Mulholland drive”, you probably think of Naomi Watts and Laura Harring kissing, but when I hear Mulholland Drive, I think of the long winding road that goes from Beverly Hills to Hollywood (and Naomi Watts and Laura Harring kissing). Jennifer told me “When we were younger our dad would drive us home from LA to the Valley and he would take Mulhulland and he would drive so fast that we would be like, flying. We’d be in the air.” It’s no joke. I’m not really the kind of dog that gets too much anxiety, but going down Mulholland at anything even slightly over the speed limit makes me need to take some extra Herbal Rescue Remedy.

House of Intuition

This place in Echo Park specializes in tarot reading, aura reading, past lives and clairvoyant readings, chakra balancing and reiki healing (among manyyyy other things). Jessie is the one that totally digs this place, but I didn’t ask her why because I was trying to see if I could tap into my own powers of intuition. In the 80’s everyone had a dealer, but in the year 2013 if you live in LA you most likely have a healer. They also sell crystals and sage sticks so you can burn them in your home to clear out bad energy which works especially well on the days when I want to show my Boo that I’m annoyed with him, and would rather not talk about things but deal with them very passive aggressively. . . Oops, I meant to say spiritually. Bad on me!

In & Out Burger

Some important bullet points about IN-N-OUT

•This epic fast food burger chain is so totally California (I think you can only get it here and in four other states).

•The sole heiress to the In-N-Out fortune is a 30-year-old competitive drag racer named Lynssi Torres, who is currently married to husband #3 (and I will support any company led by a person who should be the inspiration for a Tina Fey or Amy Poehler movie)

• Ask for fries Animal Style: two slices of melted cheese, thousand island dressing and grilled onions on top (it’s not listed on the menu)

• They don’t have any horse in their meat, which by European standards, I hear is pretty sweet (too soon?)

When the day came to an end, I found myself actually feeling sad… Ever since our epic Los Angles road trip, I might just use Bleached’s own words and say, “I’ve been dreaming about the facts/ wishing more time could pass… “ I hope that Jessie and Jennifer won’t tell me I’m crazy.

ET Mountain Park

First stop on our trip around LA was in the Valley, to the park across the street from the house Jennifer and Jessie grew up in, which just so happens to be a major location in the movie E.T.! I decided to celebrate my innermost extra terrestrial self by dressing up as the classic “E.T. On Halloween” costume: a clean white sheet with two eye cut outs. Not to pat my method acting self on the back, but I kind of have a few words for Steven Speilberg: “Next time you wanna phone home, think about phoning Maddy.” I really loved being in the Valley, ‘cause Jessie and Jennifer are self professed Valley Girls. When I asked them how they would describe a girl from the Valley, they said:

Jennifer: We say things like “I feel like” or “oh cool” or “like, like” and you don’t realize it until someone else points it out.

Jessie: There’s also, like, a laziness when you talk. We know this because people have said to us. You reaaaaally draaaag out your words.”

Posers

OK, the name of this clothing shop is totally filled with irony because this place is punk, for real. There are Doc Martens as far as the eye can see. Jennifer and Jessie brought me there specifically to drool over the new Agy Creeper shoes designed by model Agyness Deyn. To my delight, Posers employed a salesgirl with a really bad attitude and a huge mohawk. Of course I was totally terrified of her but also loved her because she totally reminded me of this girl in junior high school who was really mean to me but was also my best friend. I’m thinking I may go back another day to window shop and to have her never acknowledge me. It’s this new thing that I’ve been wanting to do ever since I started feeling kind of famous-y.

Guitar Center

In front of Guitar Center in Hollywood, they have all these musician’s hand prints and signatures set in cement. I put my paws in with the girls’ hand right smack on top of Motley Crue! Bleached are huge fans of Motley Crue. Personally, I’m a huge fan of “Dr. Feelgood” but I don’t want to go into details of the damage done to my Dell computer after a no good ex-boo of mine tried to download some home movies of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee. Let’s just say I’ve been a strict Mac girl ever since 2003.

Oki Dog

Oki Dog was a famous punk hang out in the 70s and 80s made infamous by The Germs lead singer Darby Crash’s famous last words (on his last live album, recorded 3 days before he died), where he yells “See you all at Oki Dogs.” Full disclosure: we actually weren’t allowed inside of Oki Dogs, but that’s totally fine because this article is a lifestyle thing, not a food thing. Which is good news for Oki Dogs because I don’t think they would want to hear my gastronomical review of their famous Oki Dog (chili, cheese, pastrami and two hot dogs wrapped in a flour tortilla). Ick. Sounds like a recipe commemorating 4/20 made by a stoned-out-of-his-gourd Guy Fieri.

Fun Fact: One day while Jennifer was standing outside Oki Dog with her best friend, they suddenly saw this old woman who had randomly run out of the Country Villa Wilshire Health Care center across the street and her friend was like “Oh my God… That’s my Grandmother.

Hollywood Forever Cemetary

So if someone was ever like, “I wish you were dead” I’d be like, “I wish I was too, if I could be at the Hollywood Forever Cemetary.” Sorry for the morbid turn, but 1. It’s inevitable. We’re talking about a cemetary 2. The Hollywood Forever Cemetary is so not freaky that it’s scary. Seriously you guys, it’s a good thing that when it comes to the Clavin sisters “wherever they go, I will follow” ‘cause there basically isn’t anyone else on earth who could convince me to go to a cemetary, but at this point I am so in friend love with Jessie and Jennifer they could have said, “let’s go join a cult” and I would have been like, “how much money do I pony up and can we please be sister wives if I join it?” So we went to go find Johnny Ramone’s monument, which was super beautiful, and made me totally miss him… Then we stumbled upon the most amazing, surprising buried treasure (pun intended!) Toto from “The Wizard of Oz” was totally tucked away in a peaceful corner of the cemetary! Now I can honestly say “I have stepped on Fay Wray.”

LA Eyeworks

This is where the sisters Clavin brought me after about the 1,000th time I said “those glasses, your glasses, or wherever did you get them?” LA Eyeworks is a total Los Angeles staple and totally punk in the sense that they are worn by those who totally march to the beat of their own drummers. Their serious specs have such mesmerising monikers as “Ham Pants” and “The Sontag”, it’s no mystery why such high profile personalites like Pee Wee Herman and Jodi Foster look to LA Eyeworks to set their sights straight! Never in my life have I so desperately wanted to be rid of my 20/20 vision. Seriously, I’m all over these shades to protect my powers of perception. They got me looking so good, if Ryan Gosling ever runs into me he’ll probably pop the question.

Hugo’s Tacos

So Jennifer wanted to take me to Hugo’s ‘cause they have the best vegan soft serve ice cream that’s practically sugar free. At first I freaked that Jen was trying to tell me something she thought I didn’t already know (I’ve put on a little bacon weight lately, sue me), but then I found out she feels crazy on the sugar. Full disclosure: Jennifer Clavin is so nice she let me a have a lick of her ice cream, which I would have never let her do if it was my cone because I think sharing ice cream is totally creepy. We’re barely two hours into our day, and I’ll already admit that the Bleached girls might be better people than me!